Whiskey and Fear
by Ocean of Ashes
Summary: Post season three finale. Lost after Ava's departure, Alex wanders aimlessly for hours until he finds himself seeking shelter with the one person he has left. Alex and Addison
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: First of all, I would like to state how grossly out of date I am on the Grey's front; the season three finale only aired in the UK on Thursday, and I loved the misery

Author's Note: First of all, I would like to state how grossly out of date I am on the Grey's front; the season three finale only aired in the UK on Thursday, and I _loved _the misery. I can't remember the last time in a TV series that pretty much every single character's life was left at such a bleak point. With the real joy of that being, of course, it gives us writers so many places to go with it.

As far as this piece of writing is concerned, as you may know if you've skipped through my profile and had a gander at some of my ER stories, aside from the multi-chapter fics I write, every now and again, M rated one shots (which more often than not run into two or three parters but that's not exactly the point). Well, this is the first one I've done for Addison and Alex, which has grown out of the season three finale, and true to form, it is a one-shot that has mushroomed into a two parter.

Disclaimer: Standard not mine, yadda yadda yadda sort of disclaimer applies.

Rating: M rated, partly for language but mainly for adult content. The adult content doesn't appear until the next chapter but this one still lives up to the M rating on the language front. Don't say I didn't warn you.

_Whiskey and Fear_

'_You don't want me.'_

'_Maybe I do.'_

When he realised Ava – Rebecca, God damn it, _Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca, fucking Rebecca_ – had gone, it was like an abyss, a deep black chasm, and he was falling head first into it, hurtling downwards, and he hoped like Hell he would be dead before he hit the bottom.

But rolled in there somewhere with the pain, the regret, the loss, there was something else; something that felt like a tiny spark of… relief. Relief that he wasn't going to have to put himself out there, relief that he wasn't going to have to take the risk, relief that he didn't have to _try. _

And he hated himself for that.

He wandered around the city for hours. Through streets, some that he knew and some that he didn't recognise at all, through parks, took a ride on a ferryboat, just walked and walked and walked. He didn't want to go home; Izzie would be there crying or drinking or baking over George and just now he couldn't cope with another reminder of his failure, how he didn't measure up. Meredith would be with Cristina. Meredith might understand, but Cristina's need was greater than his at the moment; he wouldn't call her tonight. He'd have even made do with drinking Joe's bar dry and a friendly ear there, but Joe was with the new twins.

So somehow, and he really, _honestly_, didn't know how, he ended up outside her hotel. Then, after a quick and persuasive flirt with the receptionist, he was standing outside her hotel room. He had no idea if he _wanted _to be there or if it was because he had no place else to go, but after five hours of blank, mindless wandering, he opened his eyes and there he was. He knocked on the door.

'I'll be there in two seconds,' he heard her voice call out from within.

He waited until the door swung open, leaning casually, or maybe in exhaustion, against the doorframe.

'Hey,' he said quietly.

She looked beautiful. She was still wearing the dress she had worn to the wedding, but had kicked off her shoes and unpinned her hair, allowing it to tumble down over her shoulders. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw him standing there.

'Karev, what are you doing here?'

'Not quite the welcome I was hoping her, but no less than I deserve,' he replied wryly.

Addison sighed. It had been a long, heartbreakingly disappointing day. Richard wouldn't make her Chief, the wedding was a disaster, and there was Alex, all the time, like a knife in her side. Painful.

'I meant it, what are you doing here? Where's Ava?'

'_Rebecca's _gone.' There was a distinctly bitter emphasis on the "Rebecca". 'Can I come in?'

'You're asking to come into my hotel room?' she asked a little incredulously. As if she couldn't quite believe his nerve. Again, utterly deserved.

'Please.'

There was something in his eyes that stopped her from telling him where to go, which was she what she sorely wanted to do. Those chocolate brown depths like pools of velvet looked so anguished, so desperate, so… _sad_ that she couldn't find the strength to turn him away. He had this _way _that always seemed to end up with him sapping her strength away and bringing out a vulnerable part of her she usually managed to keep firmly locked inside.

She shook her head again, not believing she was letting them start this dance again, and stood aside to let him in.

He sat on the bed and watched in silence as she poured them a whiskey each from the mini bar. The pale blue material of the dress clung to her hips and swayed with them as she walked. Very sexy.

'It's bourbon, not scotch. Sorry,' she said as she handed it to him, careful not to let their fingers brush against each other.

He knocked back the amber liquid in one practised motion, a flick of the wrist that drove the whiskey straight down his throat. 'Bourbon's fine.'

She refilled his glass, a larger slug this time, then sat on the bed beside him. _Not too close Addison_, she told herself. _No need to be a masochist. _

'So, why _are _you here Karev? I meant what I said in the church, I _do_ kind of hate you, and I'm done with your games.' Her tone was harsh, no nonsense, but she couldn't meet his eye as she spoke. Instead, she stared down into her whiskey glass.

'But you let me in anyway,' he stated.

'But I let you in anyway.'

He let out a heavy breath, and when he spoke, Addison was struck by how weary he sounded. 'I'm sorry. I'm not trying to mess you around. I… I was walking, and I ended up here. I guess I didn't have anywhere else to go,' he finished with a shrug.

Addison hated the awkwardness that hung in the air between them. There was no way on earth it could be any different given what had happened (that it wasn't worse at work was a miracle) but it still hurt. Put a hypertensive labouring mother with a foetus in distress between them and they were as one, but this was way beyond them.

'How's Cristina?' she asked, at a loss for something else to say.

'I don't know, Meredith's with her. Not good.'

'Poor girl.'

'Yes.'

The silence echoed oppressively once again, a minute stretching into two, then five. This time it was Alex who reached for the bottle of bourbon to replenish their glasses.

'Look, if you want me to go, just say so. I understand.'

'No, it's all right,' she capitulated, an inkling of warmth finally creeping into her voice. 'Stay. I was in need of a drinking buddy tonight anyway.' _Plus I was only a couple of drinks away from calling Mark, and God knows how much I'd regret that in the morning. _

'Thanks.' He raised his glass to her and they chinked them against each other cheesily. 'Cheers.'

'Cheers,' Addison laughed.

A couple more whiskies later and they were both beginning to relax. What had started off as a good two feet of bed between them seemed to have melted away to a few inches.

'Talk to me Alex,' she found herself asking him softly. 'What happened? Did you push her away? Like you did me.'

'Yes,' he admitted. 'I was angry at her for being Rebecca, not Ava. I was angry and betrayed that she remembered, so I pushed her away. I know it doesn't make sense.'

'Well, you're right there.'

'Hell, I don't know. It's probably for the best. I told her she was better off with the decent guy.'

'_You're _a decent guy,' she insisted.

He turned away from her, and took another sip of whiskey. 'You're the only person who's ever seen that in me.'

'Then everyone else is blind. You are one of the good ones, even if you have the propensity to royally screw it up.' Somehow, she still genuinely believed that. Believed in him.

'I'm sorry for what I did to you,' he said suddenly. 'I never meant for things to turn out this way.'

'If that's an apology, I'm not accepting it. I'm a little less angry at you than I was, but I'm still angry at you.'

'Good, I deserve it.'

Addison knew they were circling closer and closer to a minefield she'd really rather they stayed away from, but she wanted to snap him out of this morose, self flagellating mood. Partly, it annoyed her – what right did he have to make himself the victim? – but mostly it was kind of sad. She missed his smile. She sensed he was teetering on the edge of something and she didn't know if it was wise to push him, yet… Tonight, for the first time she'd ever seen, he needed someone, truly _needed _someone. And he'd come to her.

'You don't get it, do you?' he blurted out suddenly. 'I'm _not _a decent guy. I screw up. A lot. I screwed up with Izzie, and Ava, and you. I tried to care for you, to help you, but at the end of the day, I was no better than Shepherd or Sloan. I still hurt you. In fact, I was worse than them, because I watched them hurt you and I saw what it did to you, and _still_ I hurt you.'

She stared at him, too stunned to answer.

'I pushed you away to make sure I didn't hurt you anymore,' he explained. 'And I regret it, okay? Don't think for a second I don't. But I had to do it.'

Addison was lost for words. One minute he seemed to be pining for Ava, and then all this was tumbling out. She'd tried so hard in L.A. to convince herself that the whole thing with Alex had been a stupid infatuation, that it didn't matter. It wasn't significant enough to hurt her, that she didn't need him, but hearing him now she realised she had been fooling herself. She did need him. She could live without his twisted idea of protecting her, but she couldn't live without him.

Gently, she reached out and touched his face, just like she had the night at Joe's. 'Alex, oh Alex,' she whispered.

'_No_,' he snarled, as if the word was torn from his throat. He pushed her hand away from his face and jumped to his feet. 'No Addison,' he repeated, a little more rationally this time. 'If Shepherd and Sloan aren't good enough for you, and _believe me_, they're not, how could I ever measure up?'

'Alex, you're ten times the man Mark is. On your good days, you'd knock spots off Derek too.'

The sudden flash of his anger had faded as quickly as it flared, and Alex sank back onto the bed, although not as close as before. 'My good days?' he asked.

'The vanilla latte days. The "I'd notice you" days. The days when you've been the only thing that got me through.'

'Oh.'

There was another silence in the air, but it was different this time. Less awkward, more… pregnant.

Then Addison found herself saying, 'Since we seem to be sharing, I… The friend I went to see in California was a fertility expert. I wanted to have a baby, but she did some tests, and told me I couldn't have one.'

This time, it was Alex who reached out to her, to brush away a tear that hung suspended on the soft skin of her cheek. 'Addison, I'm so sorry. I know what being a mother means to you. I'm so, _so _sorry.'

At the sound of the compassion in his voice, Addison felt a sob rise up in her chest just as his arms encircled her. Slowly, he rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair soothingly, and she realised she had never felt so safe in her life.

'Shh, sh, it's all right.'

'No it isn't Alex,' she sobbed. 'It's not all right. My life's a mess. Richard won't make me Chief. I'm divorced, almost forty, and I can never ever have children. This is not how I thought my life would turn out.'

Alex stopped comforting her and held her away from him for a moment so he could look her in the eye. Every warning bell and alarm system in his head was screaming at him not to say what he was about to, but he couldn't stop himself. She needed to hear it just as much as he needed to say it.

'Well, if it's any consolation, I didn't think that my life would turn out with me falling in love with an almost forty year old divorcee who Richard won't make Chief.'

She stared at him again, her tearstained face so beautiful it almost made him want to cry too.

'What did you just say?' she stuttered.

'I said I'm in love with you.'

'What about Ava?'

'Ava doesn't exist. She's a dream, an ideal, and I never was much of a dreamer.' He carefully wound a tress of her hair behind her ear as he spoke. 'You're real.'

'I…' Addison didn't know what to say. He was being honest this time, she could tell. This was no game. 'You don't want me,' she repeated dumbly from earlier. She needed to hear him again to believe it.

'I do. I don't deserve you, and I'm not what _you _want, but I am in love with you Addison.'

'What makes you think I don't want you?' she asked. 'It's been me who's been chasing you all along. _I _kissed you, _I _pushed you into the call room, _I _invited you back here to "study". See, me every time.'

'You only think you want me. Or you want who you think I am. I'm not that person Addison. I don't barbeque and I don't teach kids to play catch.'

She heard her own words echoing back at her and wondered how he knew. But then, he'd found out about the bet with Mark too, so she shouldn't be surprised. 'I can't have children. Barbeques and catch are officially off the menu. I just want someone who makes me feel like _me _again. Alive, strong, capable. Like Addison Forbes Montgomery. And you do that Alex, you make me feel all those things.'

He sighed heavily, and downed the rest of his whiskey. 'Perhaps,' he conceded.

Another long pause. Addison finished her drink also and put her glass down on the floor, resisting the temptation of another; four whiskies, large ones as well, were more than enough for one night, else she'd regret it in the morning. Hangovers got increasingly difficult to shake off with every passing year, so she tried to avoid them nowadays.

'So, what now?' she asked, laying her hand on his thigh.

He only let it rest there a fraction of a second before he removed it, putting it firmly back on the bed. 'Nothing, Addison. I've already told you I can't do this. Relationships aren't my thing, and you deserve a whole lot more.'

'Don't I get a say in this?' She knew she sounded petulant but she couldn't believe he was walking away from this on such a thin argument.

'No.' He stood up. 'I think I'd better go. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here tonight.'

She stood up as well, but didn't follow him to the door. She wouldn't chase after him, she _wouldn't._ 'But… you're in love with me.'

'Yes, but that doesn't make this a good idea.'

'God damn it, stop trying to protect me Alex,' she shouted at him, finally prodded into anger. 'Stop pretending to be so fucking noble. You're just a coward. You're a fucking coward who's too scared to take a risk.'

Her words were right on the nail, and they both knew it. 'Why do you care Addison? It's not like I'm anything more than a revenge fuck for you anyway,' he fought back, on the defensive now. He was doing the right thing here, she didn't get to be angry. 'Your husband has an intern to screw, so you have to have one too.'

They were standing face to face now, and she sent a stinging slap across his left cheek. _'How dare you?' _she hissed through clenched teeth.

There were crystal tears sparkling on her lashes and he knew that he'd gone too far. There was pushing her away, then there was being cruel. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I don't even think that.'

She was standing there in front of him, barefoot on the carpet and looking so completely broken that he knew he wouldn't be going anywhere tonight. He couldn't leave her like this. He put his arms around her and pulled her close, muttering more apologies under his breath into her hair.

'Please don't Alex,' she choked out. 'You don't love someone if you can say things like that to them.' But she didn't move out of his arms.

'I can. I did warn you, I'm not a nice person.' Then, 'Do you want me to go?'

'No.' He had to strain to hear her.

'No?' he asked, surprised.

'No,' she repeated. 'I don't want you to go.'

'Why not?' She was soft and yielding in his arms now, and he could feel her hot tears clinging to his shirt.

'Because,' she paused, and took a deep, wobbly breath, lifting her head away from his chest to gaze up at him. She was a good bit shorter than him without her heels. 'Because I think I might be falling in love with you too.'


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Here goes with the second part of this little ficlet. Thank you for the reviews on the first chapter – apologies, naturally, that it has taken me so long to get this chapter posted, but I hope you will deem it worth the wait, and if you don't well, I'm sorry for that too. It's just a bit of fanfic fun really, but comments very much appreciated.

Rating Warning: As previously warned on the last chapter, this is M rated due to adult content (yep, this is the smutty bit) and language. And it is rather a strong 'M', just so you know.

Disclaimer: As before.

'_I think I might be falling in love with you too.'_

The words hung there, suspended like a drop of early morning dew on a spider's web. Delicate. Inviting. Beautiful. But _so _easy to destroy.

Slowly, slowly, he bent his head down to hers until they were so close he could feel her breath, coming in hot little gasps, hitting his lips. 'What did you say?'

'I said, I think I love you too.'

That was all the encouragement he needed. For all that he felt for Ava, and he did, there was no magnetic draw there. She didn't have the same captivating power over him Addison had. Her words of so many months ago – _Your ass is mine until I say otherwise – _had a truth to them that he was only just beginning to appreciate.

The kiss began slowly, like the kiss in the bar rather than the ones in the supply closet, and it was laced with the same sense of desperation. He tasted of whiskey and fear, and it was delicious. She felt him caress her lower lip with his teeth, barely touching, and she moaned lightly. She grasped his shoulders tightly, feeling the heat of his skin burning through his clothes.

He lifted his hands from where they were resting on her waist and ran his fingers through her hair. It felt like spun silk, and he grabbed handfuls of it, making sure she couldn't move away from him. Not that she was trying to. Amid the kisses, her hands were working to loosen his tie, which he was grateful for, because all of a sudden, every breath seemed to catch in his throat and there was no oxygen in his lungs at all.

Then those dextrous surgeon's fingers, so skilled in the OR, were pushing his jacket off his shoulders and starting to unbutton his shirt.

'Addison,' he asked huskily, before he reached the point of no return, 'Are you sure? I can't make you any promises, about anything.'

'I don't care. Not tonight,' she mumbled into his lips.

'What about tomorrow? Because I can't promise then either.'

'That's okay. As long as you're always honest with me.'

He closed the gap between them once more. 'That I can manage.'

Then all reserve was gone, and it was replaced by a new urgency bordering on the frantic. She finished working on the buttons of his shirt, peeling it down his arms then laughing as she realised he was still wearing cufflinks and the shirt was stuck over his wrists.

She giggled at the predicament, and he felt himself harden at such an unexpected, unfamiliar sound from her. It felt private, just for him, and he loved it.

One of his hands left the nape of her neck where it was tangled in her hair, and snaked downwards to the zipper of her dress. Tantalisingly slowly, he pulled it down eye by eye while he kissed her neck, smirking against her skin when he heard her moan again.

Then her hand ran down his bare back and edged closer to the waistband of his trousers. 'Stop playing games,' she growled. She undid his belt and gave the zipper of his trousers the same treatment he'd given to her dress.

This time it was his turn to groan. 'Fuck, Addison.'

'Serves you right.' She stepped just far enough away for him to give her the space to shrug the dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, leaving her standing before him, almost completely exposed in only a few scraps of lace, the same shade of blue as her dress and a pair of sheer stockings. As she did so, she watched his face, and felt her heart glow at his expression.

'God, you're hot,' he said simply.

If it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have accepted anything less than "beautiful" as a compliment, but that wouldn't have been him, they weren't the sort of words he would use. She smiled in return, and ran her eyes hungrily over his bare chest. Even better than she remembered, and she couldn't wait to get her hands on it.

'You're not so bad yourself.'

He couldn't believe the sight of her. She was… breathtaking, in the sense that when he looked at her, she really did steal every last breath from his lungs. He kissed her again, hotter, wetter than before, and slipped his tongue into her mouth, immediately entering into a duel for dominance with her.

He pressed forward, steering her back in the direction of the bed. She'd already done most of the work with his trousers, and he kicked them off quickly before allowing her to pull him down onto the bed.

He fell onto her a little heavily, and a slightly affronted 'ouch' was squeezed out of her.

'Your fault,' he said with a wicked smile. 'But let me make it up to you.'

He kissed her throat, creamy white, revelling in the taste of her, and ran a feather light finger over the lace of her panties until he elicited another moan from deep within her. Slowly, enjoying his torture of her, he slid his lips further down her neck, nipping gently as he went; then for each bite, a soft caress with his tongue. He kept moving, across her clavicle, lingering on the spot where it jutted out under her skin long enough to raise a mark. She tasted exquisite.

Addison couldn't so much feel his kisses than just a constant stream of unbelievable sensations, one following after the other so closely that left her almost trembling in anticipation. One of his hands was skimming along her hip and she grabbed hold of it, trying to direct him to where she needed him to be.

'Alex, please…' she begged as she writhed beneath him, desperate for his touch.

'Oh no, not yet,' he smirked, loving her reaction. The way he could make her rigid self control disappear with a fleeting touch. With one last, tantalising brush of the hot damp lace, he withdrew his hand entirely.

He continued to nuzzle her neck; if he was honest he loved the smell of her, which seemed strongest just in the hollow at the base of her throat – an intoxicating mix of faded Chanel No 5 and lust and that ubiquitous aroma of the hospital that was inescapable. He allowed one gentle finger to trace a line up her stomach, feeling the muscles pulled taut under his touch, inching up her ribcage. Precisely, he fingered the edge of her bra.

Addison had had enough of the teasing. The whole of the last six months or more had been one frustrating dance, and she couldn't take another second of the torture. Using all her strength and taking him by surprise, she rolled them over so she was on top, and she straddled him.

'Hey,' he said. 'That's not playing fair.'

She ground her hips down on his a little and smiled wickedly at him. 'Since when did you play fair?'

'Good point,' he agreed. Then to prove what he just said, he slid his hands up her thighs, grazing her skin with his short fingernails, and pushed a finger straight under her panties. And into her.

'God Alex,' she yelped in surprise. Then her head tipped back as the sensations began to flood through her body. 'Oh God. Oh _god _that's good.'

Alex watched her as she rubbed herself against his hand. The sight of her, red hair against pale skin, flushed cheeks, and white teeth biting a full red lip, was easily the most erotic thing he had ever seen in his life. He was getting so hard he didn't know if he'd be able to last long enough. Especially when she reached behind her back and flicked the clasp of her bra undone.

Trying to ignore his own need for the minute, Alex slid another finger under the fabric and inched it into her. Withdrew, a little, then thrust in again. And again.

'Alex,' she panted, as the warmth that has settled in her stomach began to radiate outwards. 'Harder, please…'

It wasn't easy to acquiesce to her request with the barrier of lace in his way, but he did his best, brushing her clit lightly with his thumb. 'Let go Addison,' he said seductively.

His fingers were curled into her, hitting _just _the right spot. 'Alex,' she moaned again.

He loved the sound of his name on her lips. The _need _in her voice. 'Just let go,' he coaxed with his voice at the same time as his fingers brought her closer and closer to the edge. Then he felt her tighten around him, and her moans and gasps were getting louder. With one last cry of his name, she came.

When she was finished, he sat up and cupped her cheek. Softly, he kissed her on the forehead. 'That was very, very sexy.'

She raised an eyebrow coquettishly. She could feel how hard he was, and it was only fair that it was his turn next. 'I'm glad you enjoyed it.' She lowered her hand to the waistband of his boxers and snapped the elastic hard enough to hurt. 'Now, let's see how much you enjoy this.'

Much as he would like to submit himself to Addison's will, there was only one thing that was going to satisfy him now. He flipped them again, smirking at her shriek of surprise, and he was on top once more.

For a split second, they froze, looking deeply at each other. This was different from the last time, in the call room, different from all the relationships that had gone before for both of them – not necessarily _more_, but different, and they wanted to savour the novelty. Alex gazed down at her, hair fanned out across the white pillowcase, and wondered what it was about her that made her so intoxicating.

He realised he must have been staring at her, as she was frowning up at him quizzically. 'What is it?' she asked.

'You know you're known as Satan?'

'I'd heard,' she said dryly.

'I think I've sold my soul to the Devil.'

There wasn't much talking after that. A quick scrape of her nails across his lower back reminded him – as if he could forget – what they'd been doing, and he sank down to her again, and there wasn't going to be any taking it slowly. They both needed this far too much.

She was still wearing the panties but they were becoming a severe inconvenience. 'Quick, take them off, she gasped, lifting her hips to help him. He did so, pulling her stockings down as well, laddering them as he went. They were the incredibly sheer, expensive looking kind, and he had a feeling he might have to pay for his carelessness in the morning. Just as well he knew a good way to make it up to her.

Addison lay back and revelled in his touch as he ran the back of his hand along her jaw, down her throat and enticingly close to her breast. He started off tracing slow, ever decreasing circles around one hard, pink nipple, but neither of them had the patience for that. She ran her fingers through his short dark hair and pulled his head down to her breast demandingly.

He obliged immediately. He captured her nipple with his mouth, grazing it with his teeth not quite gently enough, while he began to creep his fingers down her stomach. It was back to the teasing, and she groaned loudly, and dug her nails into his scalp in revenge.

'Hurry up and fuck me Karev,' she said in a low voice, moving to remove his boxers, the last barrier between them.

He took the hint and moved up her body again, kissing as much skin as he could reach. 'Call me Alex,' he said. 'Not Karev, not tonight. Please.' There was something so human in his eyes as he spoke that it pierced her heart. He had so many different facets to him and she couldn't wait to discover them all.

'Alex…' she whispered.

He watched as she smiled softly as he took each of her hands and placed them on either side of her head. A brief frown of confusion furrowed her brow. 'What are you…?'

He looked her straight in the eye and smiled back at her, winding his fingers around hers and holding her hands tightly. He was poised above her, and she slid her leg up his in anticipation. 'I'm not going to fuck you.' He kissed her deeply. 'I'm going to make love to you.'

He squeezed her hands as he slid into her, and groaned at how _good _she felt, how good _they _felt. It was the sort of right that made you wonder why the Hell you'd waited this long to get your act together. 'Addison…' he groaned.

As soon as he felt she was ready – which wasn't long – he began to move inside her, sensually slow, and never letting his lips leave hers. But there was no way he could take this slowly. He _needed _her too desperately for that, and hey, there was all night to make up for it.

Addison felt him quicken his pace, and moaned in ecstasy at the feeling of him moving inside her. She'd always loved sex, but this was something else, something on a whole different plane of being. Already getting overwhelmed by the intensity of their passion; she felt herself building up to another orgasm.

'Alex, oh God, oh, ohh…' She arched her body into him, contours fitted together and movements perfectly in sync as if they were made for each other. Maybe they were.

He kissed her neck, and found a sensitive spot just at the juncture of her jaw that made her writhe wildly beneath him, and the sensation of her hot skin, slick with a thin film of perspiration from their passion took him to the brink.

'Addison,' he gasped, 'I'm going to –'

She cut him off in his warning with a cry of pleasure and felt the waves of ecstasy envelope her. 'Yes… yes, Alex. Alex,' she panted, barely capable of getting the oxygen into her lungs to speak. Then, as soon as she came, she felt him let go, and the feeling was complete.

_She _was complete.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

They lay next to each other, staring at the ceiling, but still holding hands tightly. The moment they had been caught up in, full of words of love and fireworks, had been amazing, but now they were back in the real world. The grey, bleak, _real _world.

'I don't know where we go from here,' Alex confessed. 'This _love _thing. I haven't been here before.'

'I can't babysit you through this,' she said. 'I'm not strong enough.'

'I don't expect you to.'

'Good,' she replied, then to show she wasn't being deliberately cold, she squeezed his hand, and felt a warmth flood through her veins when he squeezed back.

'I don't want to end up like Preston and Yang,' she stated. 'Or Derek and Meredith, shoving their happiness down everyone's throats.'

'They don't do that now,' he said, understanding her hurt but refusing to let her get away with the unjust comment. 'Derek and Meredith aren't happy,' he corrected her. 'I think they're on their way out.'

'Oh. Well, I still don't want to end up like them in that case either.'

'Neither do I.'

Addison sighed heavily, and rolled over onto her stomach, half across Alex's chest. Already she felt a burn of desire run through her at the feeling of his hot skin against hers once again. She dipped her head to kiss him, and he revelled in the taste of her. This was far easier than talking.

'This has been a terrible day,' she broke away to say.

'This was terrible?'

She shook her head. 'No, this was amazing, mindblowing, phenomenal… I actually don't know enough superlatives to describe it. It's just that when I woke up this morning, I never ever thought that by this evening, I would be the happiest person in the hospital. It seems wrong somehow that I am,' she explained. 'It shouldn't be me. It's Preston and Yang's wedding day, this should be their night, not ours.'

'Don't we deserve to be happy?' he asked.

Up until tonight, until this, she would have said the honest answer to that question would be _no _but now she didn't know. Perhaps there was such a thing as second chances after all. Or maybe third or fourth ones. 'Well, they say good things come to those who wait,' she offered.

And then she smiled at him, a huge, bright, thousand watt smile and he felt his heart leap. This wasn't going to be easy; for him, it was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever tried to do, but they weren't going into it bright and shiny and blind. He was going to try like Hell to make this work, to be worthy of her. To not make his usual mistakes, all over again.

He kissed her with his entire soul, leaving nothing behind, and rolled them over so he was above her. The feel of her body beneath him, her silky smooth leg already coming up to wrap around his waist, was turning him on again.

'I love you Addison. I'm scared,' he said honestly, 'but I'm never going to stop trying to make this work. I want you to know that.'

'I'm scared too Alex. I'm _so _scared.'

He reached out to stroke her face. 'What could you have to be scared about?'

'Everything. More than you. I'm scared how much I want this to work. I'm scared of falling in love again. I'm scared that it might be me who screws this up.'

'You couldn't.'

'I might. But I swear to God I'll do my best not to.'

His hands were already in places that were making her whimper with pleasure. 'You'd better,' he smirked, as she arched her body into him. 'Now,' he teased, 'tell me you love me again, or I'll stop.'

'I love you Alex Karev. God help me, _I love you._'


End file.
